Welcome ye Grand Subscribers and Seekers of Truth and Inner Awareness.
~ April 2004 - Page 1 ~
From: Sharlene <email@example.com>
Date: Sun, 04 Apr 2004 05:28:23 -0700
Good morning friends
Man, back again after another round of computer reformatting. Wonder what I am suppose to learn through these lessons. lol
I called a stop to the game of Russ versus Sharlene in the Human Rights arena. It became a dumb game of mediation or bargaining. The Tribunal was to start on Monday, and he made an offer and I took it. It was the amount my representative asked for when it all first started almost two years ago. So through his actions, and through the stages of this whole thing, it cost him money for a lawyer, time, effort, a loss of his woman, and a whole pile of work in the construction field. He never once tried to prove innocence, but did think he had the power to control anything and everything in his life. And through this performance, his control issues and his disrespect for women became overwhelmingly apparent. And he managed this all by himself. He was his own catalyst, and I helped set the stage and keep in him in the limelight until he hung himself. At first, it was a revenge anger thing, I wanted him to suffer and go to jail, but learned that wasn't going to happen. So set the players of the game into the hands of the Human Rights Commission, with great attachment. Then after a walk around the block working with the illusion of control, there was a shift in perspective and detachment. I could let it go and leave it up to others to work out. That way, it cleared the slate to do what needed be done in helping out the folks and putting their needs as my focus. .
So it was a great learning experience, and now it's over. It seems the last two years, probably five, was an ending of many phases in life, and an opening for new beginnings. The final stages are in place for probate, the house listed, the vehicle on the lot for sale, and the emptying of the household articles is now taking place. And the brother has moved into his own place. Perhaps soon, all that too, will be a thing of past.
So now clean up begins, to leave the past in an orderly way, as to not intrude ones life upon another. Leave the past behind without leaving the energy of the past behind. To give blessings to the new homeowner who will make this house their home, and walk away with a sense of freedom. For the first time in life, have nothing and no one to attach to. The stage for such happenings was set many years ago and was played out to the best of my ability.
The future is unknown, and I get to experience it in just that way. It's like walking into a void, and it is just that, a void with no projection, no expectation, and no attachments. The learning, ' life happens' and 'go with the flow' now becomes the game.
Subject: Re: fear in desiring
From: "Ram Varma" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Fri, 9 Apr 2004 10:56:52 -0400
The cause of fear is desperation and lack of self-confidence. How about gradually practicing to turn to silence and stillness that are connected to self-sufficiency and trust in the Self and the Universal-Self. In this silence, one discovers inner strength and inherent connection. This helps to gradually start experiencing rejuvenation, clarity and optimism that eventually go a long way to give freedom from fear; a slow killer. Also in this mode, awareness is developed how to go about pursuing what desires, when and how. And what desires to discard and why. There is intrinsic awareness in the original nature of all of us that seems to have become dormant due to over-involvement in the material activities.. Practicing to turn to silence and stillness helps in awakening it up and positively offsetting the fear and manifesting true aspirations from the connection. Allowing "ISness" moment by moment and not attached to the outcomes that may have been initially established in the mind-set.
Hope it helps...........Ram
Subject: Re: update
From: ejLight@light-mission.org (E.J.)
Date: Sun, 04 Apr 2004 16:22:06 GMT
Greetings Sharlene, you wrote: <major snip> ->So now clean up begins, to leave the past in an orderly way, as to not ->intrude ones life upon another. Leave the past behind without leaving the ->energy of the past behind. ->To give blessings to the new homeowner who will make this house their home, ->and walk away with a sense of freedom. For the first time in life, have ->nothing and no one to attach to. ->The stage for such happenings was set many years ago and was played out to ->the best of my ability. -> ->The future is unknown, and I get to experience it in just that way. ->It's like walking into a void, and it is just that, a void with no ->projection, no expectation, and no attachments. The learning, ' life ->happens' and 'go with the flow' now becomes the game.
Yes it has been a long tough struggle at times and now you are starting to breathe some fresh air. "There is a light that shines beyond all things on earth, beyond the highest, the very highest heavens. This is the light that shines in your heart." -- Chandoggya Upanishad
Dying to the old and Embracing the new is a certain Resurrection of the very essence of the spirit of the True Nature. It is not only a Freedom but also a refuge. The so called "unknown" is but the absence of the 'known', which is the Crucifixion of the old and the Resurrection of the new. The seeming new not really being new but rather BEing Present. AS the Present all is anew yet as old as the Cosmos itself, thus functionality is somewhat 'second-nature' and requires no thought at all. Like the lover entwined with the beloved, nothing else exists, nor do they, a Dance of Unity yet only seeming Multiplicity, when the Dancer IS the Dance.
Thank you for sharing the update.
Subject: Re: fear in desiring
From: "Sharlene" <email@example.com>
Date: Fri, 9 Apr 2004 19:05:17 -0700
> It seems that in the birth of desire, fear is birthed as well. As soon as I > desire, the fear of not getting that which is desired is present. > Comments?
Hi ya all,
>From sicky land, a short reply. Which came first? Fear or desire. Perhaps desire is born through fear? Then again, is there a difference between the two?
Send healing,please...... I have a case of acute sinusitis from allergies, and its been a week already, sheesh. The universes way of slowing me down for awhile. Rest it says. Carry on gang, Shar
Subject: Re: fear/desire
From: "Ram Varma" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Sun, 11 Apr 2004 00:18:08 -0400
Continuing with our earlier discussion re: the above subject, you have raised a couple of questions:
>>> Desperation? Expand on that please? Desperation as in desiring something very much?<<<
Desperation in a way that there is a feeling of some sort of hopelessness as our thoughts and behaviors are anticipating a reaction/response seeking approval of others.It is therefore fear-based. Other such needs for external control/power are also based on fear.
Desperation is thus more associated with the object/external-approval as opposed to the inner self-approval that is free from fear.
>>> silencing the mind can be done for shorter periods, yet that clutter comes again when you get up from the meditation pillow.<<<
The state of pure awareness that we are in the silent space between the thoughts keeps us vigilant. In the course of time we know what to reject and what to accept in alignment with our true desires.
Nice to interact with you.........Ram
Date: Sat, 10 Apr 2004 06:21:28 +0000
Thank you for your reply, very kind of you.
>The cause of fear is desperation
Desperation? Expand on that please? Desperation as in desiring something very much?
and lack of self-confidence.
Poor self-confidence I can relate to, but it seems to me that poor self-confidence is sort of a surface cause of fear; that is, it could be boiled down further. You'll see that people with an inflated confidence also have fears. Big self or small self, it would seem logical tome that as long as one experiences oneself as a seperate entity, there will be fear. So "self" seems to be the problem. The candle flame will always fear that the wind will blow it out untill it realizes it is the sun - so I've heard. So indeed, I am sure that poor self-confidence is a source of fear on one level, and that by increasing your self-confidence you elimenate many problems, but perhaps not that deepest problems.
How about >gradually practicing to turn to silence and stillness that are connected to >self-sufficiency and trust in the Self and the Universal-Self.
mmm, yes. But like MA said not so long ago, the thoughts will continue to pop up intill you deal with the causes of such thoughts. It also seems that silencing the mind can be done for shorter periods, yet that clutter comes again when you get up from the meditation pillow.
In this >silence, one discovers inner strength and inherent connection. This helps >to >gradually start experiencing rejuvenation, clarity and optimism that >eventually go a long way to give freedom from fear; a slow killer.
Also in >this mode, awareness is developed how to go about pursuing what desires, >when and how. And what desires to discard and why.
I would say that aspiring and desiring is indeed not the same.
>Hope it helps...........Ram
Subject: Dead Touch of F
Date: Mon, 12 Apr 2004 07:01:21 +0000
>Desperation in a way that there is a feeling of some sort of hopelessness >as >our thoughts and behaviors are anticipating a reaction/response seeking >approval of others.It is therefore fear-based. Other such needs for >external >control/power are also based on fear.
Fear of death/fear of leaving the "knowns"/fear of unknown seem to be at the bottom of the approval from other people issue. A couple of nights ago the silence was exeptionally deep, and the fear of the unknown hit me like a ton of bricks. It wanted to rip out my very intestines. I then realized why I cling so desperatly to a bunch of crap; it is thought that the crap is at least better than that great nothingness. Ah, the Soothing, Dead Touch of Familiarity!
Pushed myself to stay in thesauna until I almost passed out last night. I've realized that by relaxing into the "uncomfortableness", one can stay in the heat much longer without a problem. Then me and a couple of friends went down tothe lake (blocks of ice were still scattered about in the water) and we jumped in and got out fast as hell. Indians did these sort of things in their initiation rites, no? To train yourself to be able to be outside the comfort zone, no?
Been dreaming much of trains and train stations. Wonder what that means.
Nice to meat you Ram.
Warmly (brrr) - J
Subject: Re: Dead Touch of F & Silence
From: "Ram Varma" <email@example.com>
Date: Tue, 13 Apr 2004 22:10:25 -0400
you have said:
>>>Fear of death/fear of leaving the "knowns"/fear of unknown seem to be at the bottom of the approval from other people issue.<<<
Yes you are right, however, my major emphasis is on living of our lives in the day to day activities. Fear and loneliness are the slow killers. And it is important to Be in touch with our inner strength and awareness to deal with these barriers.
>>>A couple of nights ago the silence was exceptionally deep, and the fear of the unknown hit me like a ton of bricks. It wanted to rip out my very intestines. I then realized why I cling so desperately to a bunch of crap; it is thought that the crap is at least better than that great nothingness.<<<
I haven't experienced such things in my silence. In fact, I get lots of clarity, spontaneous flow of prompts/pointers and supporting energy to move in my consciousness and the relevant manifestation as such. Without exception, such inner silence have always refreshed/inspired me with new positive optimistic attitude in whatever I am involved with. And after doing my level best, let It BE.
>>>Ah, the Soothing, Dead Touch of Familiarity!<<<
Using your terminology, I would say I experience, Aha--Aha...the soothing, the opening, the revealing, the uplifting, live Touch of gentility and some sort of oneness with the "Bigger Picture." ... a sort of interconnectedness.
>>>Been dreaming much of trains and train stations. Wonder what that means.<<<
I have awaringly stayed away from dream interpretation etc as I aspire to remain in allowing, feeling and knowing as IT IS.
>>>Nice to meat you Ram.<<<
Nice to meet you too, Johannes! And thanks.
Subject: only yellow silence
Date: Wed, 14 Apr 2004 09:54:38 +0000
Hey Ram :)
>Yes you are right, however, my major emphasis is on living of our lives in >the day to day activities. Fear and loneliness are the slow killers. And it >is important to Be in touch with our inner strength and awareness to deal >with these barriers.
I hear you.
>I haven't experienced such things in my silence. In fact, I get lots of >clarity, spontaneous flow
ah... I get these explosions of silence and total absorption in the moment from time to time, it seems to be something that jumpes upon me, more than something I can force to happen.
The silence that is when I'm at the meditation pillow is there because of worked up concentration, so perhaps because of the lesser "quality" of the silence there is an encounter with the evils lurking in heart and mind.
>Using your terminology, I would say I experience, Aha--Aha...the soothing, >the opening, the revealing, the uplifting, live Touch of gentility and >some >sort of oneness with the "Bigger Picture." ... a sort of >interconnectedness.
Your silence is no doubt of a deeper kind. Although Explosions of some satori type experience does hit/jump at me frequently and leaves me mindless, jaw dropped.
> >>>Been dreaming much of trains and train stations. Wonder what that >means.<<<
>I have awaringly stayed away from dream interpretation etc as I aspire to >remain in allowing, feeling and knowing as IT IS.
I thought that being able to understand certain symbols and such, one could get good clues as to where and what kind of devils are harbored in the subconscious. Kind of like astrology, a tool that can make things smoother.
>Nice to meet you too, Johannes! And thanks.
Hope to see you at the Center... are you familiar with Light Mission Retreat Center?
Subject: Re: only yellow silence
From: "Ram Varma" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Wed, 14 Apr 2004 22:17:41 -0400
Like this exchange of experiences. You have said:
>>>I thought that being able to understand certain symbols and such, one could get good clues as to where and what kind of devils are harbored in the subconscious. Kind of like astrology, a tool that can make things smoother.<<<
You do have a point and I see that some people do use it. The problem starts when people get addicted to it and cannot make moves spontaneously and independentally. However, I have been prompted to stay with the inner-guidance of the flow in the silence. And in my knowing-feeling connection I am naturally comfortable with it. i.e. more of the awareness that is the consciousness.
>>>Hope to see you at the Center... are you familiar with Light Mission Retreat Center?<<<
No, I am not familiar with it. Tell me more about it, how it works. Should be interesting!!.
*bows* to you too, J.......Ram
Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 04:55:54 +0000
>Like this exchange of experiences. You have said:
As do I :)
>You do have a point and I see that some people do use it. The problem starts >when people get addicted to it and cannot make moves spontaneously and >independentally. However, I have been prompted to stay with the >inner-guidance of the flow in the silence. And in my knowing-feeling >connection I am naturally comfortable with it. i.e. more of the awareness >that is the consciousness.
Aha... You obviously have the potential to "go all the way", what holds you back? Family, job? The old fashioned "renounce women and gold" and go live with the Guru thing has great importance, if you ask me. Not that women and gold cannot be enjoyed, but I am asking you about your commitment level. You live in America? Whereabouts?
> >>>Hope to see you at the Center... are you familiar with Light Mission >Retreat Center?<<<
>No, I am not familiar with it. Tell me more about it, how it works. Should >be interesting!!.
This might be something we should take off list, but for starters: www.Mission-Of-Light-Retreat-Center.org You know thatNonDual fellow named EJ that Dances around on this forum from time to time? Well, he didn't get that free without help. And he is the man behind the Center to get people help. It is not actualized as of yet, but we will need people like you there.
Sharing personal experiences (and the resulting insights) has great value to me, so feel free tospeak up folks. I sometimes get the impression that the silence that is here is not a samadhi silence, but rather an inhibited silence, perhaps because EJ and MA are quick with the whip. Don't mind those goofs. If you are dualists, might as well admit it and start speaking about yourselves :)
Subject: Morning world
From: "shar" <email@example.com>
Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 06:28:32 -0700
I am getting so angry at this computer it isn't funny. I have had to reformat every week for four weeks now. Errors, and other messages, the latest being, this program has found an error and will shut down in 56 sec or what have you.
Not being a computer geek but a computer geek wanna-be, I now have partitions where none existed. lol And it won't let me get rid of them. Man, alive. So I reinstall, then have to go in and download 6 hours worth of upgrades and fixes, and thats just for wondows. I haven't added another program for over a month.
Anyway, thats my bitch for today. Don't even know if this will go through. So the silence is not from choice, but from frustration of a non working unit. And thanks for all the healing vibes, I am much better now except for the after effects of such a thing.
So today is more packing and moving boxes to my brothers shed. Couldn't do anything for a week or so due to no energy and no breath, but today feels not to bad, so now back at it.
Just letting you know, if you are interested that is, (funny how we take that for granted,) in the latest happenings in the life of Sharlene.
Have a good one everyone, And as they say, don't let the B-----tards get ya down. lol It's not worth it.
Love to all Sharlene
Subject: Fwd: Re: A Ray Of Light
From: ejLight@light-mission.org (E.J.)
Date: Sun, 18 Apr 2004 04:17:17 GMT
Greetings Ram, you wrote: ->Thanks for a very insightful message. You have said: -> ->>>>....It (manifested form) does it all by ->itself, for nothing is available to help it. As it accumulates experience, ->it is better adapted to adjusting. As manifested form is a Natural ->proceeding, so too is its adjusting.<<<< -> ->If I understand you right you are talking about the independent spontaneous ->orchestration of Nature; the "Bigger Picture" by itself. What way is this ->Nature's orchestration an example for us human beings for manifesting our ->aspirations? Is it doing our level best in our natural state of ->truth/freedom, awareness and joyful.....and then letting it orchestrate by ->self in conjunction with the Nature's bigger orchestration? Is it that ->simple and that easy?
First, "if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans". Individual "aspirations" are just a pile of fodder that Mother Nature could care less about. Besides, for most, their highest aspirations still do not get them out of the basement. We all are manifested form and we really do not need any help continuing our Evolution/Involution because we are Alone in that progression. And we Evolve/Involve quite Naturally when left alone to do so. And as we gather information we can best see what route to take to continue to further our progress toward Full Awakening. All of this is quite Natural for the human condition, as both Evolution and Involution is a Natural ongoing progress. We start out as babes just letting this happen, it is as simple as that. Ah, but a monkey wrench is thrown into the works because at some point the information we gather starts being conditioned Baggage from family and friends and peer groups and society in general. So we have becomes conditioned programmed controlled manipulated robots. Then when we see that this is the case through some happenstance, we have to backtrack and get back to the state before we started gathering the Baggage. Hence our studies and work and practices to Purge ourself of the defiling Baggage we gathered. Now it is not so simple. If left along to Unfold Naturally we would have Naturally Unfolded. A good example of this happening, though rare it might be, is the Dalai Lama. Destined to be the next Dalai Lama he was plucked from his family as a child and taken to a monastery so there would be no opportunity for Baggage to be gathered. Nurtured of course, but allowed to Naturally Unfold so he would be of Pure Heart and BEing. We have to work at dumping the Baggage so we can start Naturally Unfolding again.
->>>> ... Slavery is possible only when you think one can be enslaved.<<< -> ->Is it that slavery automatically takes over a person when one has submitted ->oneself to conditioned notions, dogmas, superstitions, concepts etc.? In ->that case, will ever awareness comes to rescue a person from such ->self-inflicted slavery? What can the enslaved person do to awaken from these ->enslaving elements?
Yes as the conditionings are planted a habitual distortion of thinking and behavior starts. And continues as every perception and interaction in our life. Which causes reactions to threats of those dearly beloved conditionings. A Slave to the Grand Trickster, thus in a constant state of Suffering. It is a major Battle to rid oneself of these defilements, as Arjuna shows in the Bhagavad Gita. So fierce the Battle that few undertake it. And most of those who do undertake it drop the Battle because it seems insurmountable and too Painful. Only through persistent dedication does one finally Purge oneself of these defiling conditionings. Why it is so difficult is because you have to be willing to do whatever it takes, endure whatever work and Pain such undertaking entails. If one is not willing to let go of the old conditioned self, not willing to forego Dualistic perception, not willing to let go of the self-identity and self-image, one will never Wear his Original Face (BE his True Nature). For most it takes what is called the Dark Night Of The Soul or the End Of The Rope or the Edge Of Oblivion, with nothing left to hold on to. THEN they will try anything. Sadly, most do try anything which keeps them as Slaves. But some settle for nothing less than the Truth, who start Awakening. In a few cases it does not take a Dark Night Of The Soul or the End Of The Rope or the Edge Of Oblivion, it just takes a 100% willingness to lose the self and end Dualistic perception and remain Present. And I do not mean to 'say' it but actually Do It. Any can Talk the Talk but few are willing to Walk the Walk. The Key is to know the difference, because most 'think' that their Talk is the Walk -- guess again.
->Thanks EJ for great insights as usual........Ram
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